The Way I See It I Do Edition

 

Greetings everyone. Welcome to this special edition of The Way I See It.

Monday marks the historic 1000th episode of Monday Night Raw. During the episode we will have the wedding of Daniel Bryan and April Jeanette Lee.

I’m a sucker for weddings, especially those in pro wrestling so I figured I’d take this opportunity to take a look back at past weddings held in the Squared Circle.

Throughout the history of the WWF/WWE, 15 wedding ceremonies have been held and each one had it’s own unique twist on things.

The 1st wedding in WWF was held on December 18, 1984 during an episode of Tuesday Night Titans. “Butcher” Paul Vachon married Ophelia. Only the heels at the time were in attendance.

The wedding party consisted of Vachon, Ophelia, Vachon’s brother Mad Dog as best man, Fabulous Moolah as Maid of Honor, Diamond Lil as the flower girl (whose flowers were stolen by Jesse “The Body” Ventura), Sky Low Low as ring bearer (who had the ring knocked away by “Classy” Freddie Blassie and spent several minutes trying to find it back), and George “The Animal” Steel giving the bride away.

Captain Lou Albano sat in the first row and heckled the wedding party as well as the ceremony itself going so far as getting in the rig and objecting since Butcher had been married 5 previous times but once we was told Ophelia wasn’t a virgin, he withdrew the objection. During the vows, Steel took it upon himself to dismantle the entire wedding decorations.

Afterwards all hell broke loose with David Schultz  barging in the ring and body slamming the groom. Later at the reception Schultz said Ophelia doesn’t know how to take care of a man and shoved cake in her face after she revealed she doesn’t eat cake. Before long a food fight broke out.

The Wedding

The Reception

The next wedding took place on October 5, 1985 on the second edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event . Hillbilly Jim’s kin folk Uncle Elmer married Joyce.  During Joyce’s vows somebody in the crowd threw something that bounced off Joyce’s head. Uncle Elmer had a very hard time repeating after the preacher to the delight of Jesse Ventura on commentary who made fun of the happy couple every chance he got. When asked if anyone objects, Roddy Piper came out saying weddings should NOT be held in wrestling rings.  Piper said Uncle Elmer, Hillbilly Jim, and the entire wedding stinks before leaving. Ventura described the kiss after the vows as lookig like “2 crap in the Mississippi River going after the same piece of corn.

During the reception, Captain Lou Albanio shared etiquette tips, Larry Poffo shared a poem, Tiny Tim gave the happy couple a ukelele as wedding gift, and Jessee Ventura called them all hicks and ended up getting tripped by Jim and fell face face into the wedding cake.

The Wedding:

The Reception:

That brings us to the most well known Pro Wrestling Wedding (and a personal favorite of many here at LOE) “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth.

This Blessed event took place at SummerSlam on August 26, 1991 live on Pay Per View.

I honestly can’t the words to describe the moment of Savage and Elizibeth getting married. It was a first in the fact that not only was it held on Pay Per View, but at the 2nd biggest show of the year, and also that the ceremony itself went off without an problems. Balloons fell from the ceiling as the couple kissed. I teared up while watching it, and in fact I’m tearing up now thinking about it.

The chicanery didn’t take place until the reception (which was seen the next week of WWF TV). It started off as beautiful as the ceremony itself. Then Randy decided it was time to open gifts. One box contained a snake. During the confusion, Undertaker hit Savage over the head with the urn and Jake the Snake tormented Elizabeth with the snake.

The Wedding

The Reception

8 years passed by before the next wedding took place. On  April 26, 1999 Stephanie McMahon was kidnapped and forced into a wedding with the Undertaker to please “The Higher Power”.

The Ministry Of Darkness carried Stephanie (wearing a black dress) out strapped to The Undertaker’s symbol. Before the ceremony (with Paul Bearer presiding) took place Undertaker said he is not to blame for this. Vince McMahon brought this upon his family himself by breaking the agreement of trading ownership of the company in exchange for Stephanie’s safe return.  Ken Shamrock tried to save Stephanie but was taken down by the Acolytes and hit with a big splash from Viscera.  The Big Show almost broke through The Undertaker’s line of defense until he was taken out by Undertaker with a baseball bat that Ken Shamrock had brought to the ring. Before Undertaker could kiss his dark bride, Stone Cold ran out and laid waist to the Ministry with a steel chair. Then he set Stephanie free.

On November 29 of that same year, Stephanie McMahon would herself to be a bride again. Test was to the groom and Vince McMahon decreed that if anyone from DX ruined the ceremony they would be fired.

The ceremony looked like it was going to go off without a hitch (pun not intended) until the preacher asked if anyone objected.

Out came Triple H to object to the wedding. He said he had a video Vince needed to see. He proceeded to show…

Earlier that night Triple H took a drugged up Stephanie to a 24 hour drive-thru wedding chapel in Vegas. Triple H rushed the chapel through the ceremony and faked Stephanie’s voice for the vows. Then he drove her back to the arena before she came to being none the wiser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3965jPW0-I

In 2002 Triple H and Stephanie McMahon’s marriage was on the rocks so Stephanie claimed to be carrying Triple H’s child and even paid an actor to pose as a doctor confirming it. so on February 11, 2002 they held a ceremony to renew their vows. Backstage Arn Anderson handed Triple H a Fed Ex package. Later Linda McMahon called Trips and told him to watch the tape she Fed Exed him. It had proof that the “doctor” was an actor.

That brings us to the ceremony. Vince yelled at the fans for doing the “WHAT” chant while the preacher was talking.  The fans also booed so loud Stephanie could barely be heard during her vows. When it came time for Triple H’s vows he stared by saying that when told he was gonna be a father, it was the best moment of his life. He said tonight he sees her for what she really is. A no good lying bitch (back when they could say bitch on Raw). Then he revealed he knew all about her using an actor to portray a doctor. He said the marriage was over. Then he decked Vince and destroyed the wedding decorations. Vince tried to fight back but got a Pedigree and Stephanie got shoved on her ass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFnALOYnr9M

That brings us to September 12, 2002 and the commitment ceremony of Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo. This one got alot of mainstream publicity since it involved two men. The happy couple was even sent a gift from a gay rights organization.When asked if anyone objected, out came The Godfather and the Ho Train. Godfather said he knows Billy’s still got the Pimp in him and Chuck was a legendary skirt chaser.  When it came “I do” time, both Billy and Chuck backed out saying it was a publicity stunt set up by Rico. The old Justice of the Peace doing the ceremony was then revealed to Raw GM Eric Bischoff . Then 3 Minute Warning (Jamal and Rosey) tore apart the wedding decorations and beat down everyone including a Samoan Drop on Smackdown GM Stephanie McMahon. Rico turned heel siding with 3 Minute warning as the Smackdown locker room chased them out of the building.

The vows:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIQXGCLH5rU

The aftermath:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwrel&v=FfwKfn_bQwQ&NR=1

4 months on January 2, 2003 Dawn Marie married Al Wilson (the elderly father of fellow WWE Diva Torrie Wilson). Dawn had been feuding with Torrie so this was to be the huge “screw you’ moment.  When the preacher asked the loaded question about if anyone objects, every single one of the fans spoke up, but so did Dawn Marie herself. She said she promised to recite her vows without her dress on. So Dawn stripped down to her bra and panties. Then in a moment no one wanted to see, Dawn Marie stripped Al Wilson to his underwear. Then they promised to videotape the entire honeymoon as they drove off.Al Wilson didn’t survive the Honeymoon. he was “sexed into submission” and suffered a fatal heart attack.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RN9sDa0cdiw

That brings us to August 23, 2004. In order to get Kane to stop beating up Matt Hardy, Lita had to do Kane a “favor”. It was later revealed that Kane made Lita sleep with him resulting in Lita getting knocked up. After winning the right to marry Lita, Kane demanded everything in the wedding be white to signify the purity of the unborn child. In a show of defiance, Lita came out in a black dress.  The preacher said a man close to both bride and groom requested time to speak. Lita was thrilled thinking it was Matt coming to save her.  Instead it was Eric Bischoff who read a Bible passage. After a video of all the events leading to the wedding, Kane read his vows saying Lita was now his property. Lita’s vows talked about how she hates Kane and loves Matt Hardy. Then came the loaded objection question. Lita was waiting for Matt Hardy’s music, but instead Trish Stratus’s music hit.  Trish appointed herself Maid Of Honor. Trish told Lita to open her heart the way she opened her legs leading to Lita attacking Trish. Right before Kane said “I do” Matt Hardy’s music hit. Kane watched the entrance ramp, but Hardy jumped him from behind. Matt tried to take off with Lita but Kane used his demonic powers to block the exit with a wall of fire. Matt was choke slammed off the stage and Kane dragged Lita back to finish the ceremony.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x20o8d_kane-lita-wedding_sport

After having a miscarriage, Lita and Kane’s marriage got stronger since they shared the loss of the child. Then came Edge. Lita turned on Kane and divorced him so she could marry Edge. On June 20, 2005 the wedding of Edge and Lita took place.

Lita came out wearing my favorite Wedding Dress ever created!  Then the happy couple showed a video of Lita’s heel turn and flushing Kane’s ring down the toilet. The preacher said a large, unusual looking man wanted to say a few words. Edge and Lita were on the lookout for Kane. Instead Gene Snitski came out and read a poem about how it’s not his fault they are getting married.

After the vows came the loaded objection question. Matt Hardy’s music hit, but it turned out to be a joke planned by Edge and Lita for a cheap laugh at the fans. After a good laugh at our expense, Kane popped up from under the ring.  Edge threw the priest at Kane and took off with Lita to safety.  Kane then destroyed the decorations and Tomb-stoned the preacher.

Part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uhbuCDSsTU

Part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRhjY3-ki_E&feature=channel&list=UL

A little over 2 years later on September 21, 2007 Smackdown General manager Teddy Long was set to marry his assistant Kristal with the entire WWE roster in attendance.  Michelle McCool and  Torrie Wilson were bridesmaids.  For some reason Vikkie Guerrero was Maid of Honor. Teddy’s son Edgemont Long and Butch Reed were Groomsmen. Ron Simmons was Best Man.

During the Objection portion of the ceremony, Godfather and the Ho train returned to crash the party again.  Godfather reminded Teddy of the good times. Teddy said the good times are over and he wants to be with Kristal. All the men in attendance (including JBL on commentary) jumped on the Ho Train and left with The Godfather.  Hornswoggle then ran in the ring and hid from Johnathan Coachman under Kristal’s dress. Coach and Vince chased Swoggle to the back. Teddy was about to say I do, when he grabbed his chest and fell over.

Vikkie Guerrero ended up seizing control of Smackdown from the hospitalized Teddy Long. Edge (being the ultimate Opportunist) started a relationship with Vikkie so he would have free reign on Smackdown leading to their wedding on July 18, 2008.

The actual wedding happened earlier in the day with no chicanery. The reception was Smackdown, and that’s when things went wrong. After a video package of Edge and Vikkie’s (for lack of a better term) love, Triple H came out. He said he had gifts to give to the happy couple. Triple H showed a video of Edge with wedding planner Alica Fox. Triple H admitted it was boring so he had the guys in the truck fast forward a bit.  In the next part of the video Edge compliments Alica on how she smells. Then he feigned a muscle cramp in his neck to get her to rub it.  Edge siced La Famila on Trips until Triple H brings out gift #2. A sledgehammer.  The next part of the video had Edge rubbing Alica’s back. The Edge joked about Vikkie’s massive underwear.  Triple H then pulled out a comically big pair of panties as gift #3. The final part of the video showed Edge and Alica kissing. That leads Vikkie to screech “I HATE YOU!”

part 1:

part 2:

Now we jump to November 2, 2010 and the crapfest known as NXT. Season 3 of the “show” consisted of all Divas. Goldust was named the pro for Aksana. Aksana was having issues with immigration and faced deportation to her home country of Lithuania. To avoid that Goldust said he’d marry her.

Goldust accessorized his tuxedo with the Million Dollar Belt he stole from Ted DiBiase Jr. During her vows Aksana tried to get a U-S-A chant going but the crowd was silent. When it came objection time, the preacher himself objected, saying he was paid of by DiBiase Jr to prevent this wedding. Dusty Rhodes had a backup plan. He got Ted DiBiase Sr. (a legit ordained minister) to do the ceremony. When asked why he’s doing this DiBoase Sr. said the look on his son’s face was priceless. Dusty Rhodes kissed the bride. When Goldust went to kiss her, Aksana slapped him in the face and stormed off.

part 1:

part 2:

The last WWE wedding we have to cover was held on January 18, 2012 on the 100th episode of NXT.  Maxine used to date Derrick Bateman, until he sent an email that almost ended her career. So Maxine started dating Johnny Curtis. The duo were to be wed in the middle of the ring.

Matt Striker dressed as Elvis to conduct the ceremony. “Elvis” almost forgot the objection part but when he got to it Derrick Bateman showed up with a video showing Curtis sent the email that almost killed Maxine’s career. Maxine  slapped Curtis and Bateman attacked him. Maxine then slapped Bateman then made out with him.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbaQa-fDoKswww.youtube.com/watch?v=vznj5u2m5kE

TNA Wrestling may only be 4 years old, but they have had there share of weddings too.

 

On February 14, 2008 Kurt Angle decided that for Valentine’s Day that he and wife Karen Angle should renew their vows.

During the ceremony Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash came down to destroy the decorations, breaking the preachers glasses in the process. Then they stripped Kurt Angle to his underwear. The preacher said the bride and groom could kiss. Karen was woozy from the attck and made out with AJ Styles instead of Kurt.

At Slammiversary (TNA’s second biggest show) they tried to recreate pro wrestling’s most famous wedding of Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth by having Jay Lethal (as Black Machismo) marry So Cal Val.

American Idol Finalist Ace Young, Kamala, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Koko B. Ware and Frankie, And George “The Animal” Steel were all in attendance with Sonya Dutt being the best man. Shockingly, no one said a word when asked if they have objections. Sonja Dutt interrupted the “I Dos” and professed his love for Val.  Dutt then hit Lethal with a wedding truss and then pounded away on him. Ace Young tires to make the save but gets taken down. Koko and Kamla hit the ring and take down Dutt. Jake Roberts then lets a snake loose after Val is taken to the back. Jake sets the snake on Dutt who takes off while Steel eats the turnbuckle pad.

This brings us to March 3 2011. Jeff Jarrett married Kurt Angle’s ex wife Karen and now wanted to renew there vows in the ring. Kurt lost a match with Jeff allowing the ceremony to not only happen, but for Kurt to have to walk Karen down the Aisle. The first time the ceremony was attempted, Kurt went to shove Jeff into the wedding cake. Karen jumped on Kurt’s back and then slapped him for ruining things. Kurt then shoved Karen face first into the cake.

Later that night, they tried again.  Karen came out with cake still on her face. This time it looked as if Kurt was going to behave due to a mandate that he couldn’t try anything during the ceremony.  The crowd however objected to the union. The preacher ignored that and when straight to the “I Dos”. Jeff and Karen used their vows to diss Kurt. After all was said and done Kurt got conformation that the ceremony was over. He then pulled out an ax, sending Jeff and Karen running. Kurt used the ax to destroy the decorations. Eric Bischoff sent New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott to take care of Kurt.  Scott shoved Kurt a couple times. Kurt snapped and applied the Ankle Lock and grape vined the leg.

The last TNA wedding took place on April 12, 2012. Co-holders of the Knockout’s Tag Team Championship Eric Young and ODB got married inside a 15 foot tall steel cage.

Eric Young wore a powder Blue Tuxedo and ODB wore a camouflage wedding dress. Eric Young started to freak out a bit once the cage door was locked. The preacher played off the steel cage as being symbolic of the strength needed in marriage. I still say it’s symbolic for being trapped.

After a video package about the happy couple. Eric vowed to be ODB’s tag partner in wrestling and life and be with “her” even when she farts. He will allow her to rub his feet like she wants. ODB vowed to take EY’s entrance music and to slap his ass the way he likes and a buffet of BAAAAAAAAAAAM.

Sarita and Rosita (Los Prostitutas)  came out to object. They tried to tempt EY with  themselves in there underwear. ODB then stripped to her underwear. Eric chose ODB of the Mexi-whores and stripped to HIS underwear. Finally they made the preacher strip to his undergarments.

I have one last wedding to talk about in this column.

For this one we go back to September 11, 2000 and WCW Nitro.

Stacy Keibler was with child. David Flair believed he was the father so he wanted to do the right thing by making Stacy an honest woman.

Before the wedding, Jimmy Hart delivered a registered letter to Stacy. Stacy reads the letter and replies with “OH MY GOD!”

David Flair kicked off the ceremony by inviting Arn Anderson out to the ring.  Arn told David it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission. then he advised David to hide some of the wedding gift money. His 3rd piece of advise was use the hidden money to escape when Stacy gets mad.  After all that David invited his Dad Ric Flair out to the ring.  Once the actual ceremony started, a bunch of cops came to the ring and arrested Ric Flair for violating the restraining order set by Vince Russo thus continuing the tradition of embarrassing Flair in front of his hometown crowd.

Later they tried the wedding again. The preacher talked about trust, dedication, and faith. Stacy herself objected to the wedding. Stacy reveled David Flair was NOT the father of her unborn child and left.

The company folded before the real father was announced but rumor was it was gonna be Vince Russo.

And was a look back at 20 previous weddings from WWF/WWE, TNA, and WCW. Each one if different, yet still memorable in it’s own way.

Monday July 23 2012 marks the wedding of Daniel Bryan and AJ Lee. I well be on hand to see this wedding in person. What kind of nonsense will take place? Who will object? Will it even really happen? The only way to find out is to watch the show and hope for the best.

Thanks for this Journey into Pro Wrestling weddings with me. I hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing about it.

One last thing

You are now thinking about Vince Russo nailing Stacy Keibler. Have fun with that.