The show starts off with AJ in the ring. She would like to explain why she kissed Kane on Raw. However, before we can get said explanation Vickie Guerrero interrupts and tells AJ that the real story of the night is the new Number 1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship: Dolph Ziggler, who says there’s no way someone like AJ is going to steal his spotlight. AJ says Ziggler is delusional if he thinks he’s going to beat Sheamus before calling Vickie his grandmother. This leads to Vickie slapping AJ and telling her to leave before she throws her out. AJ of course just looks at her like a nutjob.
This brings WWE Champion CM Punk out to the ring. Punk once again tells us what we are all thinking: every week, every show it’s the same thing from both Ziggler and Vickie. Vickie says Dolph is the greatest thing since sliced bread and Ziggler falls short. Before Ziggler can finish his retort, Bryan comes back and mocks the fact that Punk came to AJ’s rescue. Bryan believes he has AJ figured out, that she is just using both Punk and Kane and they don’t even realize it.
If there weren’t enough people out here already, Sheamus decides to join the party. Sheamus says Bryan does nothing but talk out of his ass, and Ziggler is just going to lose to him again at No Way Out. Oh and by the way, tonight’s big matchup is CM Punk and Sheamus against Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler, and Sheamus says they should just do the match right now. A ref comes down to the ring so it is going to happen, but AJ says she has one piece of business to take care of first. AJ starts to charge at Vickie (I think that’s who she’s going for) but Punk catches her and holds her back before we cut to commercial.
Match #1: CM Punk and Sheamus w/ AJ vs. Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
Sheamus and Bryan start this one off with Sheamus’ power defeating Bryan’s wrestling ability. Punk is tagged in and continues the offense. Bryan manages to make some separation and tag in Ziggler, but Dolph immediately gets caught with a drop toe hold before getting hit with a flying shoulder block from a newly tagged in Sheamus. A couple more tags are made before Bryan manages to get a tag into the match, and a distraction from Ziggler on the apron allows Bryan to hit Sheamus with a running dropkick. A couple tags from the other team this time until Sheamus manages to counter a charge Bryan with a back breaker before making the tag to Punk. Punk takes control of the match with textbook Punk offense, until Punk is dumped to the apron, gets distracted by Ziggler, and is knocked off the apron by Bryan who follows up with a flying knee to the outside.
Back from commercial Bryan is wearing down Punk in the ring until he misses a flying head butt from the top rope. Tags are made on both ends and Sheamus dominates his opponent for Sunday with running axe handles and an Irish Curse back breaker. Bryan comes in to break up the pin fall and Punk gets him out of there, but Bryan pulls him to the outside and rams him into the barricade. In the ring Sheamus and Ziggler trade counters before Sheamus hits White Noise, stops Bryan from getting in the ring, and calls for the Brogue Kick. Vickie gets up on the apron and yells at Sheamus, AJ gets up as well and shoves her into the ring, distracting the World Champ and allowing Ziggler to steal a victory via roll up with a handful of tights. Funny thing is Sheamus wasn’t distracted by Vickie until AJ got involved. Maybe Bryan was right about her being unlucky…
Winners: Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler
After the match, a pissed off Sheamus chases Ziggler out of the arena while AJ and Vickie get into it in the ring. AJ jumps Vickie, who manages to get out of the ring and tries to crawl away, and when AJ attempts to pull her back Vickie kicks her into the apron before running away. Just when you thought they ran out of people, Kane comes out to check on a seemingly hurt AJ, picking her up and carrying her up the ramp until Punk attacks him from behind. Kane drops AJ (hilarious), fights Punk down the ramp and chokeslams both CM Punk and Daniel Bryan in the ring. Kane and AJ lock eyes (AJ being on the stage), AJ drops to her knees and….I have no idea what she just did. Seriously, I am bewildered by her reaction.
*Do they even have anyone else for the rest of the show?
Match #2: Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater
Before the match, Brodus tells everyone how Laurinaitis banned him from Raw and what not, but he’s confident John Cena will get him fired on Sunday. Really unnecessary promo to be honest.
The match is actually shorter than Brodus’ promo. Three moves and done.
Winner: Brodus Clay
After the match as Brodus is dancing in the ring, David Otunga attacks him from behind, taking out his leg with a chop block and attacking the injured appendage.
Match #3: Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Foxx (Layla on commentary)
I guess since the Divas’ Title is on the line at No Way Out they figured they should actually have a Divas’ match tonight.
A lot of back and forth (for how short the match is) until Beth hits a back breaker and then the Glam Slam for the win.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
*Ugh, Layla on commentary
John Laurinaitis comes out to apologize to Mr. McMahon after Big Show knocked him out on Monday. It’s not really much of an apology, implying that it was Vince’s fault for getting in Show’s way. We get a clip of what happened on Raw, then Laurinaitis tells us that his job is not in jeopardy this Sunday because Big Show will beat John Cena.
Big Show comes out and complains about how he has been held back his entire career. He even complains about how Vince changed his name from Paul Wight to Big Show. If you don’t like it Show why are you still using it? Anyway, Show finally gets to the fact that him punching Vince on Monday was a complete accident, but Cena will suffer on Sunday, and it will be deliberate.
As Show and Laurinaitis are leaving, Cole grabs a mic and tells them that Cena will be here before the show is over, to which Show replies that will be in the ring waiting for him.
Match #4: Christian vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero
Swagger out wrestles Christian at the beginning of the match until a pendulum kick in the corner leads to Christian dumping Swagger to the outside. Christian follows him out there, where Vickie gets in his face and allowing Swagger to regain the control with a clothesline. The action moves back in the ring where Swagger continues the offense, until he does a little too much showboating. Christian avoids a standing leg drop and takes control. He calls for the spear, but Swagger avoids it and locks in the ankle lock. Christian manages to roll through and hits a flying back elbow from the second rope and looks to set up the Killswitch. Swagger pushes him off, Christian goes up top, Swagger follows him but Captain Charisma fights him off and hits the Frog Splash for the win.
Match #5: Ryback vs. Ari Cohen and Mike Testa
Ryback squash match. Wash, rinse, repeat.
*Old. Very old.
Match #6: Tyson Kidd vs. Damien Sandow
Another pretty short match, a little back and forth, and coming to an end with an Arm Trap Neckbreaker.
Winner: Damien Sandow
John Cena has just entered the building backstage and breaks into John Laurinaitis’ office, but no one’s there so he leaves.
Back from commercial, Cena goes down to the ring to do this thing publicly. Cena says he’s not hiding, but he’s been looking for Big Show for a while now. Hard to miss somebody as big and boring as Show….never mind. Laurinaitis comes out to inform Cena that Show will not be coming out, even though he said he would. Johnny sent him home to protect the main event on Sunday, because there’s no way we can have the WWE Title match as the main event. That would make way too much sense and show way too much support for CM Punk from the back. Cena didn’t come here to talk, and since Johnny sent Show home, he’s going to receive the beating he planned for Show. Johnny says if Cena touches him he will be fired, but Cena, being the clever cleaver he is, reminds him that the match on Sunday has to take place as declared by the Board of Directors, thus he can’t be fired. Laurinaitis says that he has no problem embarrassing Cena again, and Cena says that the embarrassing thing is Laurinaitis being in charge, which is in fact a real shame. And since if Cena wins at No Way Out Laurinaitis is fired, there’s nothing stopping him from kicking his ass. Of course if Cena does kick his ass and then loses on Sunday, first thing to happen on Raw is Cena will be fired. Cena stops and looks like he’s not going to go through with it, but he ends up clocking Johnny pretty good in the head before leaving and we all go home happy.
*You Can’t See Me
Questions for Next Time:
1. What is going on in AJ’s mind?
You of all people should know, there’s plenty wrong with me